Difficulties in Perceiving God as a Loving Father

By Heather B

This challenge affects many people, shaped by personal experiences and family dynamics. What has influenced your perception of God and the concept of fatherhood?

 

Trauma can disrupt various areas of our lives, creating “stuck points” that hinder our ability to move forward. It impairs our capacity for secure attachments, leading us to believe that intimacy equals pain, while also having feelings of unworthiness. This can undermine our self-esteem and instil a sense of powerlessness. Trauma often distorts our view of authority figures, turning them into perceived threats and leaving us with insecurity.

 

Traumatic experiences with fathers significantly impacts how one perceives God, leading one to see Him as a distant authority rather than a loving presence. When betrayal or neglect occurs, it becomes difficult to view God as a compassionate friend who genuinely cares. Instead, we may see Him as a strict judge enforcing rules, distancing us from His mercy and unconditional love. Never experiencing son ship in Him.

 

Consider fathers who prioritise their spiritual duties over family. Many men may appear deeply involved in religious activities yet fail to advocate for their children at home, creating a void that leaves their kids feeling neglected. The story of Tamar in the Bible illustrates this. Tamar suffered at the hands of her half-brother Amnon, while her father, King David, did not protect or advocate for her. Despite his devotion to God, advocacy for the people of Israel, David’s inaction left Tamar feeling vulnerable and abandoned, highlighting the disconnect between his public persona and private responsibilities.

 

This lack of paternal advocacy can lead to profound feelings of abandonment, making it difficult for children to reconcile their father’s neglect with the idea of a loving Heavenly Father. It brings forth a performative nature. If I do, then I will get….attention etc. Those who experience such neglect like this often fear that God may overlook them unless they do something.

 

The absence of a father’s involvement can ripple through a child’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. They may internalise neglect, believing they are unworthy of love, which can affect their adult relationships. Additionally, they might develop a skewed view of authority, perceiving it as neglectful rather than protective.

 

Some individuals grapple with a lack of affirmation from their fathers. The biblical example of Jacob illustrates this well. He spent much of his life seeking validation, first from his father Isaac and then through relationships with others. Although he eventually received his father’s blessing, Jacob’s journey was marked by deception from his uncle and a deep need for affirmation from him also. This can make one disconnect from the promises of God. Children often look to their fathers for validation, and when this is absent, they may grow up feeling inadequate, constantly striving for approval from others. This can manifest in perfectionism or burnout.

 

People lacking affirmation from their fathers might project these feelings onto their relationship with God, centred around doubt and insecurity. A physically absent father can lead to feelings of neglect, while an emotionally distant father may fail to provide the affection and support that children need. This disconnect complicates trust in God’s love. It’s also essential not to idolise male figures or project the absence of a father onto others, such as bosses or pastors. This is usually the case when there is unresolved issues in the soul. Placing unrealistic expectations on them can lead to disappointment and further feelings of abandonment. Recognising that no one can fill the role of a father can help free us from these burdens.

 

The absence of a father can significantly impact a man’s sense of identity, the way he raises his children, and how he interacts with his partner.

 

In terms of manhood, a man might struggle with understanding healthy masculinity, often feeling unsure about his role in society or relationships. He might lack confidence in making decisions or taking responsibility, either being overly passive or compensating by being excessively dominant.

 

When raising a child, the absence of a father figure can lead to uncertainty in how to discipline or guide his children, often repeating the same patterns of neglect or emotional distance he experienced. A man might find it difficult to form strong emotional bonds with his child or feel inadequate in providing the support and stability a child needs.

 

In his relationship with a partner, a man may struggle to express emotions, leading to communication issues, avoidance of vulnerability, or detachment. He might also project unresolved feelings onto his partner, expecting her to fill a parental role or constantly seeking validation from her, which can lead to strain in the relationship.

 

Without a father to model healthy masculinity, many men grapple with these challenges, often unsure of how to break the cycle in their own lives.

 

God’s fatherhood transcends the flaws of human fathers. Scripture reveals His heart for His children, for you. Despite earthly shortcomings, God exemplifies perfect love, care, and guidance. Spiritually, re-learning who God is involves spending time in prayer and reading Scripture to reshape your understanding of God as a loving Father. Verses like Psalm 68:5 remind us that God is a “father to the fatherless.” Building a personal relationship with Him and experiencing His love can gradually heal the wounds left by an absent father.  Pray for healing, asking God to reveal Himself as a loving Father and noting any changes in your perception. Surrender this journey unto God. Only He can do total transformation in your heart. It is possible.

 

it’s never too late to grow and learn. You are not stuck in a cycle of the past. Don’t condemn yourself.

 

Becoming the man you aspire to be is a journey. Seek out positive male role models—mentors, friends, or older men in your community—who can provide guidance and wisdom. You don’t need to have it all figured out at once, but each step you take in becoming more self-aware, responsible, and emotionally present is a victory. God will show you, don’t worry.

 

As a father, understand that showing up for your children, both physically and emotionally, is already a huge step forward. You can learn from past experiences, and even if you didn’t have a father to model this for you, breaking that cycle with your own children is powerful. They don’t need perfection, just your presence, support, and love.

 

In relationships, strive to be vulnerable. Communication is key, and it’s okay to express how you feel or ask for help when needed. A strong partnership is built on openness and trust, and embracing this can strengthen your bond with your partner.

 

Remember, your past doesn’t dictate your future. Every day is an opportunity to grow, learn, and become the best version of yourself. Practice self-compassion, acknowledging that healing takes time and finding ways to show kindness to yourself throughout this process. Receive the forgiveness’s of God. Forgive yourself and others.